They say time flies when you’re having fun but what I’m starting to realize is times flies, regardless of whether you’re having fun or not. This last year has been full of the highest highs and some of the lowest lows.

January 23, 2014 marked one year of my dad’s passing. For me, that first year without my dad was one of just getting by one day at a time. The second year, now, that’s when it really hit me. In some ways it felt so much harder. It’s as though it hit me that he’s really gone. I will never again get to hug him or call him when I don’t know what to do with my life. Thankfully I saved some of his voicemails so I am able to hear his voice, but I’ll never again get a spontaneous, goofy email from him. How I cherish those that I’ve saved. And I don’t want to say that people just expect you, after a year, to move on, but that is kind of how it felt. So I spent a lot of last year working through that and finding some balance in living life and continuing to grieve.

March 22, 2014 I married my best friend and biggest fan, Patrick. We had been through so much before we actually walked down the aisle that there was no doubt in my mind that he was the one for me. Our first year together as a married couple hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies, but we’ve learned a lot about what it means to be married and how to mesh our busy lives. For me, particularly, I think I’ve finally realized that being married means I don’t have to carry everything on my own. Patrick will always be there for me through the good and the bad; the triumphs and the disappointments; and everything in between.

April 11, 2014 I turned 30 while on our honeymoon in Paris. In my opinion there isn’t a much better way to turn 30. Although I’ve been 30 for nine months, I certainly don’t feel 30. Though I guess I don’t know what 30 feels like. I still feel young and am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. There are times, however, when I start to feel overwhelmed by my age. Should we start thinking about having kids? Do we want to have kids? Have I seen enough of this world? Will I? Do I have enough time left to make a difference? And, then I stop, slow down, and take a breath. Of course I do. I am right where I need to be. It’s hard, though, in this overachieving world to be okay with where we are. It shouldn’t be, but it is. So I’m thankful for the people who keep me grounded and remind me that I am making a difference however small my impact may be.

June 6, 2014 I found myself in the emergency department with a headache like no other, and blurry, bloodshot eyes; was dehydrated and scared. Long story short I needed to relax. To slow down. To not let the little things bother me. To stop taking work so seriously. To let go of the things that I could not change. Again, all of these things are far more difficult (at least for me) in practice than in word. But I’m working on each of them every day.

August 22, 2014 I started an MBA in Healthcare Management program at Loyola. Those of you who know me well, know that I change my mind with some frequency especially when it comes to what I want to be when I grow up. After spending almost two months at two different hospitals with my dad I wasn’t so sure a doctor is what I wanted to be. Though I might be fickle, I do know I want to make a difference in the way people receive health care. And I started to think maybe I could have more of an impact continuing in what I’m doing now or maybe even transitioning over to operations. An MBA in Healthcare Management should position me to do just that. For the most part, I have enjoyed getting back into school mode, in particular, making new friends and learning new things. I have had to figure out how to balance a few more things now but Patrick has been a blessing – dealing with my freak-outs, making dinner, helping me understand lawyer mumbo-jumbo (Healthcare Law this quarter), and reassuring me that this isn’t all for naught.

September 27, 2014 Patrick and I landed in Bozeman, MT ready to cross Yellowstone National Park off the bucket list my dad made me. Traveling for me and, I think for Patrick, too, is not only fun, but also therapeutic. It’s the one time I am really able to let go of all the work craziness and unwind (I know I need to learn how to do this when I’m home, too. Working on it). I also just love to explore new places – find the best, local coffee shop, the tastiest farm-to-table dinner spots, and to meet new people. I feel very fortunate that we have been able and continue to be able to visit new places both here and abroad.

The Holidays 2014. Our first as a married couple! Honestly, they didn’t feel much different than they did last year, but it was fun to start figuring out some holiday traditions. For Thanksgiving, we introduced our sweet potato fries to Thanksgiving dinner (they were a hit)! For Christmas, we kept some of the traditions we started over the last couple of years (a real tree with colored lights, Tower Brass at Fourth Presbyterian, Joffrey’s Nutcracker) and started some new ones (spontaneous trips to go ice-skating, a holiday dinner with good friends, participating in the Giving Tree at church, and donating to a cause about which we’re passionate). The holidays will now forever be challenging for me, but they are also a time to reflect and remember. In 2013 I attended a yoga class for those who had lost someone and I continued that tradition this year. It’s a beautiful evening, and I am grateful for this group of women and men who come together to remember and honor those we’ve lost.

December 31, 2014 I snuck in a yoga class and then Patrick and I enjoyed dinner with friends at Bar Takito before ringing in the New Year. I started to think about my New Year’s resolution a few days before NYE. In the past I hadn’t always made a resolution but the last few years I’ve thought of them more as an intention for the new year and that’s what I did again this year. This year I resolve to be more gentle and kind to myself and to believe in myself and my dreams. Everyone around me does so it’s high time I start!

Happy New Year!